I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom. – Michael Bergin

Marriage is a financial contract; I have enough contracts already. – Linda Fiorentino

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. – Rita Rudner

Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles. – Henry Ward Beecher

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. – Rodney Dangerfield

But, alas! what poor Woman is ever taught that she should have a higher Design than to get her a Husband? – Mary Astell

Married people from my generation are like an endangered species! – Patrice Leconte

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. – A. P. Herbert

On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. – Emma Goldman

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she’s a householder. – Thornton Wilder